Saturday, January 16, 2010

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny Movie Quotes

100. “I love my dead gay son. —Heathers

99. “Where was ya, Wang? We was worried.” — Murder by Death

98. “Shut that cunt’s mouth or I’ll come over there and fuckstart her head!” —The Way of the Gun

97. “How am I not myself?” — I Heart Huckabees

96. “Welcome to Debbie Country.” — Singles

95. “I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”- - Zoolander

94. “Well, this piece is called ‘Lick My Love Pump.’” — Spinal Tap

93. “This is the guy behind the guy behind the guy.” — Swingers

92. “I hate you, and I hate your ass face!” — Waiting for Guffman

91. “Back and to the left.” — JFK

90. “No, I said ‘allo,’ but that’s close enough.” — Labyrinth

89. “That’s bee-YOU-tee-ful, what is that, velvet?” — Coming to America

88. “It’s a moral imperative.” —Real Genius

87. “Go do that voodoo that you do so well!” — Blazing Saddles

86. “No dice, soldier.” —Brick

85. “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.” — Conan the Barbarian

84. “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.” — Uncle Buck

83. “Do you concur?” “Damnit! Why didn’t I concur?!” — Catch Me If You Can

82. “The place where a U.S. soldier goes to defecate, relieve himself, open his bowel, shit, fart, dump, crap, and unload, is called the latrine. The la-trine, from the French.” — Biloxi Blues

81. “Big bottoms, big bottoms, talk about mudflaps, my girls got ‘em.” — Spinal Tap

80. “My life is as good as an Abba song. It’s as good as Dancing Queen.” — Muriel’s Wedding

79. “Guns are for show. Knives are for pros.” — Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels

78. “I shall call him Squishy. And he shall be mine. And he shall be MY Squishy.” — Finding Nemo

77. “I’ll sleep with you for a meatball.” —Victor/Victoria

76. “Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.” — Bring it On

75. “What’s a nubian?” — Chasing Amy

74. “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster by your side, kid.” — Star Wars

73. “You’ve got red on you.” — Shaun of the Dead

72. “I touched the earth, and he loved me back.” — Secretary

71. “Not you, fat Jesus.” — The Hangover

70. “This pile of shit has a thousand eyes.” — Stand By Me

69. “Not the beeeees!.” — Wicker Man

68. “She’s been fucked more times than she’s had a hot meal.” — Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

67. “I can’t believe I just gave my panties to a geek.” — Sixteen Candles

66. “It’s a veg-e-ta-ble.” —My Blue Heaven

65. “Goddammit, I’d piss on a spark plug if I thought it’d do any good! ” — War Games

64. “I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How have you been?” — Grosse Pointe Blank

63. “Now, you’ve got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.” — Pulp Fiction

62. “Ever since I can remember I always wanted to be a gangster.” — Goodfellas

61. “Wolfman has nards!” — Monster Squad

60. “He’s an angel. He’s an angel straight from heaven!” — Raising Arizona

59. “Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.” — High Anxiety

58. “Somebody’s got to go back and get a shitload of dimes.” — Blazing Saddles

57. “You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!” — Spaceballs

56. “Bratwurst? Aren’t we the optimist?” —10 Things I Hate About You

55. “Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it.” — American Psycho

54. “I take your fucking bullets!” - -Scarface

53. “I’m kind of a big deal.” — Anchorman

52. “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains.” — Bull Durham

51. “We deal in lead, friend.” — The Magnificent Seven

Friday, January 15, 2010

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny Movie Quotes

50. “I don’t know, I mostly just hurt people.” —Alien Resurrection

49. “Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.” — Better Off Dead

48. “All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin’.” — Chasing Amy

47. “Let’s shag ass.” —The Royal Tenenbaums

46. “That’s atomized colloidal silver. It’s being pumped through the building’s air conditioning system, you cock-juggling thundercunt!” — Blade: Trinity

45. “I don’t understand. All my life I’ve been waiting for someone and when I find her, she’s … she’s a fish.” — Splash

44. “Demented and sad, but social.” — The Breakfast Club

43. “This is so bad it’s gone past good and back to bad again.” — Ghost World

42. “GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!” — The Goonies

41. “Beautiful, naked, big-titted women just don’t fall out of the sky, you know.” — Dogma

40. “They’ve done studies, you know. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.” — Anchorman

39. “Richie, would you do me a favor and eat my pussy for me… please?” — From Dusk til Dawn

38. “I’m hungry. Let’s get a taco.” — Reservoir Dogs

37. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” — Night of the Living Dead

36. “Maybe you’re the plucky comic relief.” — Galaxy Quest

35. “We were frightened of being left alone for the rest of our lives. Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26…we were of that disposition.” — High Fidelity

34. “I used to fuck guys like you in prison” — Roadhouse

33. “Are you crazy? The fall will probably kill you.” — Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

32. “Strikeouts are boring. Besides that, they’re fascist.” — Bull Durham

31. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the War Room! — Dr. Strangelove

30. “Shut the fuck up, Donny.” — The Big Lebowski

29. “If God did not want them shorn, he would not have made them sheep.” — The Magnificent Seven

28. “He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I’m afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died.” — Clue

27. “Nobody fucks with the Jesus.” — The Big Lebowski

26. “Meet me in Montauk.” — Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

25. “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” — Heathers

24. “That’s just the way it crumbles … cookie wise.” - The Apartment

23. “Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.” — The Rock

22. “Why didn’t somebody tell me my ass was so big? — Spaceballs

21. “I aim to misbehave.” — Serenity

20. “People are so stupid I can’t bear to be around them anymore.” —Imaginary Heroes

19. “Fuck my cock!” — Wet Hot American Summer

18. “I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” — The Big Lebowski

17. “The swan ate my baby!” — Drop Dead Gorgeous

16. “I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker.” — Anchorman

15. “My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.” — Annie Hall

14. “The Hammer is my penis.” — Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

13. “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.” — Almost Famous

12. “SQUIRREL!” — Up

11. “Excuse me stewardess, I speak jive.” — Airplane

10. “Inconceivable!” — The Princess Bride

9. “I’ve been listening to my gut since I was 14 years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” — High Fidelity

8. “My God. I haven’t been fucked like that since grade school.” — Fight Club

7. “You’re killin’ me Smalls!” — The Sandlot

6. “I was born a poor black child.” — The Jerk

5. “Ray, next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” — Ghostbusters

4. “Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” — The Shawshank Redemption

3. “I want my two dollars!” — Better Off Dead

2. “Son, you got a panty on your head.” — Raising Arizona

1. “It ain’t white boy day is it?” — True Romance

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny Movie Quotes

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Lois: How would you like me to make your life a living hell?
Ace Ventura: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey, maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

The Addams Family
Pugsley: We're not shy!
Wednesday: We're contagious.

Addams Family Values
(Gomez refers to the girl popping out of the cake at a bachelor party)
Was she in there before you baked it?

Addams Family Values
Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

Addams Family Values
Little Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Animal Crackers
Spaulding: (to two ladies) Let's get married!
Mrs. Rittenhouse: The three of us? Why, that's bigamy!
Spaulding: Yes! And it's big of me, too!

I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I have.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Funny Movie Quotes

Funny Movie Quotes

* 'I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.'
Who Framed Roger Rabbit

* Reporter: ‘Tell me, how did you find America? John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.’
A Hard Day's Night

* Mrs. White: 'Husbands should be like Kleenex: soft, strong, and disposable.'

* Harry: 'Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.'
Dumb and Dumber

* 'There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?'

* 'Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend.'

* Adam/Felicia: ‘Oh for goodness sakes, get down off that crucifix, someone needs the wood!'
The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert

* 'The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.'
Love and Death

* ‘Do you prefer fashion victim or ensemblelly challenged?’

* Col. Mustard: ‘You lure men to their deaths, like a spider with flies!’
Miss White: ‘Flies are where men are most vulnerable.’

* ‘You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.'
Duck Soup

* George: 'It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.'
My Best Friend's Wedding

* Forrest Gump: (referring to Apple Computers) 'He got me invested in some kinda fruit company.'
Forrest Gump

* Edgar Friendly: 'I'm no leader. I do what I have to do…sometimes people come with me.'
Demolition Man

* ‘I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.’
Duck Soup

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

40 Year Old Virgin Quotes

"She had hands as big as Andre the Giant, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls."

Trish: "Do you have protection?"
Andy: "I don't believe in guns."

"Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins too? That's funny... I didn't even know you g-girls talked like that. I think my first time might be your best time too. Well I knew it, you know what? I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter will all the compassion and care that someone would give to their soulmate."

"Know how I knew you were gay? You like Coldplay."

"If she starts waxing his pubes, I'm outta here."

"Do you know how I know you're gay? Because you are holding each other ever so gently."

"He sold his old toys for over half a million dollars! We gotta get some toys!"

"I touched a guy's balls once in Hebrew School."

"Keep your bitch on a leash."

"From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm gonna get you laid."

Monday, January 11, 2010

Funny movie quotes

"Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

"Evil will always triumph over good because good is dumb."
Dark Helmet, Space Balls

"I know they were just kids...but man we beat the fuck out of them!"

"I don't know what to say, so I'll just say what's in my heart... Baboom, Baboom, Baboom."
Mel Brooks

"Name's Barf. I'm a Mog, half man half dog. I'm my own best friend."

"Glue... very powerful stuff."
The Blues Brothers